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FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
On the scale you're talking about—completely altering the way people see one another—I doubt that would hold much ground anyway.
But I suppose the answer is: the reasons for my own actions matter to me.
[Perhaps it was different for contractors, but it was the only way he convinced himself he was still on the "right path," if he could claim to have good reasons for whatever he did. A thin justification, at best, but...]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
And so you remove them as well. It's a process.
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
Honestly? I certainly am nowhere near as skilled as the man who taught me, or my co-workers, but...
If I had the right machines, I could make a pretty good cup of coffee. Unfortunately, the CDC doesn't supply that sort of stuff to us by default.
[A shame. The stuff that Kaneki had been drinking didn't hold a candle.]
On the scale you're talking about—completely altering the way people see one another—I doubt that would hold much ground anyway.
But I suppose the answer is: the reasons for my own actions matter to me.
[Perhaps it was different for contractors, but it was the only way he convinced himself he was still on the "right path," if he could claim to have good reasons for whatever he did. A thin justification, at best, but...]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
And so you remove them as well. It's a process.
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
Honestly? I certainly am nowhere near as skilled as the man who taught me, or my co-workers, but...
If I had the right machines, I could make a pretty good cup of coffee. Unfortunately, the CDC doesn't supply that sort of stuff to us by default.
[A shame. The stuff that Kaneki had been drinking didn't hold a candle.]
[ His insistence on justifying his actions to himself reminds her of an interesting point she read on his file: artificial half-ghoul. That must be a story one can spend an entire day explaining too. She can think of another in a similar place as him, though she can't say whether it's a good position to be in or a decidedly miserable one. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Ruthless, aren't we? I can't protest.
[ Against eliminating bad beans. But she wouldn't condone it either. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Maybe there's something to be done about that. Only remember: three spoonfuls of sugar for mine.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Ruthless, aren't we? I can't protest.
[ Against eliminating bad beans. But she wouldn't condone it either. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Maybe there's something to be done about that. Only remember: three spoonfuls of sugar for mine.
[Yep, there was definitely a hell of a story there. And it was definitely a miserable place to be; he knows by experience.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
You have to be. The world I come from is a twisted one.
[Wrong. He doesn't know how to fix something that has an error in its foundation.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
Maybe there is. I heard we get paid, so it might be a decent thing to invest in for the future.
Sweet, huh? It covers up the taste of the coffee, you know.
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
You have to be. The world I come from is a twisted one.
[Wrong. He doesn't know how to fix something that has an error in its foundation.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
Maybe there is. I heard we get paid, so it might be a decent thing to invest in for the future.
Sweet, huh? It covers up the taste of the coffee, you know.
[ The foundation of her society isn't as old, and so, she still hopes. Even that is close to impossible even for someone like her. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
It's alright to be ruthless, but it's a mistake to throw away everything else for the sake of being ruthless.
[ Surviving with little else to call one's own means little in the grand scheme of things. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Would that make you happy?
FROM: amber@cdc.org
It's alright to be ruthless, but it's a mistake to throw away everything else for the sake of being ruthless.
[ Surviving with little else to call one's own means little in the grand scheme of things. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Would that make you happy?
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
I agree. I try not to make that mistake.
[Yeah, sure, he'd tortured a 14-year-old once, but he'd done it for a good reason, right?? (Admittedly that kid had been brutally attacking his sister, who was Kaneki's friend, so... he was pretty much the worst.)]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
It'd be nice to have something around I recognized and understood.
So... yes. I think I'd be happy being able to make something for people that they'd enjoy.
[See how fast he goes from "what the fuck, Kaneki" to "precious cinnamon bun"?]
I agree. I try not to make that mistake.
[Yeah, sure, he'd tortured a 14-year-old once, but he'd done it for a good reason, right?? (Admittedly that kid had been brutally attacking his sister, who was Kaneki's friend, so... he was pretty much the worst.)]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
It'd be nice to have something around I recognized and understood.
So... yes. I think I'd be happy being able to make something for people that they'd enjoy.
[See how fast he goes from "what the fuck, Kaneki" to "precious cinnamon bun"?]
Edited (i worded something badly hold on) 2015-03-30 15:44 (UTC)
[The world may never know.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
Yeah. I know.
[He says that. It doesn't mean he's not going to nearly kill himself trying, though.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
I... I do really like it.
I like to be of use, and if it's doing something that others can enjoy, that's all the better.
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
Yeah. I know.
[He says that. It doesn't mean he's not going to nearly kill himself trying, though.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
I... I do really like it.
I like to be of use, and if it's doing something that others can enjoy, that's all the better.
[ Ah, here's one who derives his worth from others, she thinks. It tends to be well looked upon by other humans. Selflessness and a certain civic duty toward one's neighbors. She can't claim to know it well. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
It makes you happy then when you see that your actions made others happy?
[ This really isn't as obvious to her . . . ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
It makes you happy then when you see that your actions made others happy?
[ This really isn't as obvious to her . . . ]
[In a way, yes. His mother had stressed, when raising him, kindness above all else—but her kindness was a twisted sort of thing, and it had taken him a long time and mental anguish to realize that. "Become the one who is hurt rather than the one who is hurting others. A truly kind person can find happiness in just that."
Now, he doesn't really believe in that anymore, but you can see where his martyr complex started, right? Yikes.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
Yes, it does.
Is that strange to you?
[Most people don't have to ask...]
Now, he doesn't really believe in that anymore, but you can see where his martyr complex started, right? Yikes.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
Yes, it does.
Is that strange to you?
[Most people don't have to ask...]
[ There's no happiness in playing the victim, she thinks, but then she's no expert on things like happiness. It should be enough to survive, only some days that doesn't seem enough. Somehow. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Isn't it?
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Their happiness has no direct bearing on yours. The actions you take to make them happy may be difficult instead.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Isn't it?
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Their happiness has no direct bearing on yours. The actions you take to make them happy may be difficult instead.
[He'd deluded himself into thinking there was something noble in it.
Fortunately, he'd broken himself of that.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
I... apologize if I made any assumptions. I thought you were being hyperbolic about the "incapable of emotions" thing.
Is that true, then?
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
It's, ah... difficult to explain.
Even if it is an inconvenience to myself, when you put forth the effort and find that what you'd done brought happiness to someone else, there is a gratification in that.
I'm not sure if it's "happiness" exactly, but it's a positive feeling.
I enjoy knowing others are happy so, in a way, it does have a bearing on me.
Fortunately, he'd broken himself of that.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
I... apologize if I made any assumptions. I thought you were being hyperbolic about the "incapable of emotions" thing.
Is that true, then?
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
It's, ah... difficult to explain.
Even if it is an inconvenience to myself, when you put forth the effort and find that what you'd done brought happiness to someone else, there is a gratification in that.
I'm not sure if it's "happiness" exactly, but it's a positive feeling.
I enjoy knowing others are happy so, in a way, it does have a bearing on me.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Not hyperbolic. But that isn't entirely true either.
[ No one can lose their emotions. Not completely. Not permanently. She doesn't buy that. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Becoming useful to others is beneficial. It makes one less expendable.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
But that won't serve you well here.
Not hyperbolic. But that isn't entirely true either.
[ No one can lose their emotions. Not completely. Not permanently. She doesn't buy that. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Becoming useful to others is beneficial. It makes one less expendable.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
But that won't serve you well here.
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
Do you remember them, then? You were human before you became a contractor, right?
[Sometimes he wishes he'd been able to completely shed his old code of morality and humanity. It would've made things easier... though, no. He had to remember who he'd been or he'd lose his way, like Yomo had warned.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
That's a very... utilitarian way of looking at it.
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
It won't, but... sometimes it's not about what best serves one at a given time.
And I'll take the chance over the alternative.
[When he tries to take steps back and distance himself from others, he becomes a person he doesn't recognize.]
Do you remember them, then? You were human before you became a contractor, right?
[Sometimes he wishes he'd been able to completely shed his old code of morality and humanity. It would've made things easier... though, no. He had to remember who he'd been or he'd lose his way, like Yomo had warned.]
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
That's a very... utilitarian way of looking at it.
FROM: kaneki.ken@cdc.org
It won't, but... sometimes it's not about what best serves one at a given time.
And I'll take the chance over the alternative.
[When he tries to take steps back and distance himself from others, he becomes a person he doesn't recognize.]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
I remember nothing. They erased everything from my memory. I am only Amber.
[ She doesn't even know her real name or if she had loved ones to go home to or who she was before they used the Memory Extractor on her. Those who knew her would have had their memory wiped too. Then again, she finds she doesn't care to know. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Some are more fortunate. Or less so, depending on how you look at it.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
I'd say you're too kind for your own good. But I don't want to discourage it.
I remember nothing. They erased everything from my memory. I am only Amber.
[ She doesn't even know her real name or if she had loved ones to go home to or who she was before they used the Memory Extractor on her. Those who knew her would have had their memory wiped too. Then again, she finds she doesn't care to know. ]
FROM: amber@cdc.org
Some are more fortunate. Or less so, depending on how you look at it.
FROM: amber@cdc.org
I'd say you're too kind for your own good. But I don't want to discourage it.
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