retry | INBOX

FROM: amber@cdc.org

It won't affect my work.

[ A lie, but she means to make it true. ]

Edited 2015-01-25 00:37 (UTC)

we're damned professionals, not toys.

for what it's worth, he's probably the nicest roommate i've had when we were in ajna.

[ Another person might thank him for the... compassion. The permission to grieve. But Amber doesn't quite know what to do with it. ]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Nice? That may be a first.

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Tell me of your time with him?

[that's ok, wesley's just as emotionally stunted as the rest of the people in red.]

if you lived with my roommates you'll understand

he's okay. eats whatever i cook. did fairly well in red.

FROM: amber@cdc.org

What did you cook?

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Did he ever cook for you?

[ She's being indulgent. Wanting to salvage everything left of him before it's forgotten. ]

steak. popcorn. burgers. drank some beer, whenever it's available.

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Wesley. Drink a beer with me some time.

[this is pathetic, amber. and sad. what are you doing.]

have you had beer before

[ She's forever pathetic and sad and resigned to her fate. ]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Not with you I haven't.

are you doing this to be closer to him or something. because i told you we were just acquainted at best.

[ Yes, pretty much. ]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Is that a no?

im not rejecting it.

tell me about you and hei.

FROM: amber@cdc.org

There was a war. Hei and his sister were under my direct command.

huh. didn't know he had a sister.

so him dying shouldn't matter as much as it does now to you, but it does. why is that.

[ Amber considers telling him of the first time Hei died and how she spared not a single moment to rewind and fix it, realizing what she's done only afterwards. Then there was the second time. The third time. The hundredth time. But that does nothing to explain why. ]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

I don't know. You should know better.

[ He's human, she assumes. ]

from what i can tell, hei wasn't even properly human. you tell me how that works with you guys when you lose someone.

[ That's the problem. Hei is human. ]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

I haven't lost him.

uh. you speaking metaphorically or what

FROM: amber@cdc.org

No. I haven't lost him.

that is batshit. explain. put an appendix if necessary.

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Why? Are you volunteering your help?

im trying to understand if this shit is a case of optimism or just blind faith

not sure what kind of help you need in both cases

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Neither. People like me act solely on logic.

[ Far from the entire truth, but then she would use what's known and unknown to her advantage when it comes to it. ]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

You will see.

nothing logical about this shit.

but hey, put me on your list. let's see how good your convictions about this are.

[that is. he'll help her. provided it won't be detrimental to him.]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

You're on my mailing list.

(no subject)

thekiller - 2015-01-30 19:53 (UTC) - Expand